What about Church?

This post started out as a response to a question from Ted Kluck. In the process I wound up saying quite a bit about my experience and thoughts on Church and I moved it here instead. This isn't comprehensive by far - there are many places where I wanted to add an asterisk to indicate "a whole 'nother story." So, for anyone with too much time on their hands...

Pre-Emergent
(That's agriculture humor, there)

I have been part of the emergent movement - long before I ever heard the term used. We left the charismatic church out of discontent with many things, and started in-home meetings. We (~10 families) even moved into an urban neighborhood together, trying to emulate early church community. We dropped as many traditional terms and practices as possible, striving to be something new and fresh. After 6 years or so things became very difficult and we each moved to different corners of the area. We maintained some relationships but sought to follow Christ individually.

As time went by I found myself beginning to wonder why I believed what I believed; Is my faith merely a result of my upbringing? Furthermore, certain events caused me to question whether anything I knew could be called true, or just my own idea of truth.

Objective Truth
At that point I turned a critical eye to the Bible. I knew lots of verses, had heard preaching from the earliest age, but my faith had much more to do with my experiences and the “voice of the Spirit.” Now as I began to see the critical flaws in this approach and the destitute state of my heart I grasped for something dependable. The Bible seemed like the right place to start, but not without some tough questions: is it what it says it is - accurate, complete, divine? I wanted to believe it was, but for the first time in my life I wasn't willing to let my heart lead where my mind wouldn't follow. So I examined the Bible: has it been changed since the now-lost originals... why does everyone interpret it differently... what makes us think it is really God's words....? I found the answers to these questions satisfactory and I was excited that here was truth, here was an objective measure by which I could line up everything else and determine right from wrong.

Convicted about Church
Very quickly the words of scripture started convicting me of various things. One was my attitude towards Church. You see, we had treated the Church derisively. We condescendingly called it "The Institution", and saw it as a man-made organization that simply got in the way of relationship with God. In fact, to some of us it was a hindrance to the very return of Christ. It was full of professionalism, hypocrisy and formulas that blinded people to spiritual realities, instead placing the emphasis on outward conformity and performance. It failed to meet peoples' real needs, instead demanding unquestioned submission to human leadership and mediation. We needed to be free from these obstacles, recognize the equality of all believers and their need to "be and not do." Whatever the Bible had to say about Church, it was not talking about the institutional club we saw today. We more-or-less ditched the idea of local Church and focused more on the universal Body of Christ. However, I was now coming across passages that stopped me dead in my tracks. It became quickly apparent to me that, while there is one universal Church that all true believers are part of, there is also a local assembly that is an integral part of God's will. Moreover, God had given specific guidance as to how things should operate in that environment; how it should be led, how services should be ordered, how discipline should be handled, how we should serve one another etc. When I came to Acts 20 and read that Christ loved the Church so much that He shed His own blood for her, I was immediately ashamed of my attitudes.

Jesus loves the Church - and we can't, in light of scripture, limit that to the invisible fellowship of all believers world-wide. For me to stand back and throw rocks at the Church is to despise that which God Himself has established and paid dearly for.

Blessed by Church
I immediately sought to line up with God's will by visiting some Churches. Unfortunately I went right back to the type of Churches I had come from and quickly began to wonder if I would ever be able to reconcile what scripture said with what I saw in practice. The issue for me was teaching; I was spiritually anorexic and needed nourishment, not candy. I simply couldn't remain with a Church where the teaching was weak, where scripture merely served to buttress flavor-of-the-day messages. By God's mercy I stumbled, albeit unwillingly, upon a Church that claimed to teach the Word "one verse at a time." I showed up at the beginning of a study on Malachi and was surprised to find that there was a first chapter in that book - I had only ever seen chapter three used in reference to the curious doctrine of tithing. The Pastor (took a while to get used to that term again) only made it as far as verse one that morning. He set the book in its historical context, explaining the state of Israel at that time and its attitude of passive aggression towards God. Four months later he concluded the study on this little book and I was hooked. "Long for the pure milk of the word that by it you may grow in respect to salvation." I was fed. I was challenged. I was growing. Ahhhhh.

Great News
Along the way I heard the gospel preached. I recall hearing at least parts of the gospel as a child, but now it seemed that I was hearing it for the first time. I had always heard that God loved me, but, "So what? Why wouldn't He?" I suddenly understood that His love was the only thing that could possibly spare me from HIS wrath! I was a sinner and a hater of God, barreling forward down a path to my own destruction. But God, being rich in mercy, had died for the ungodly! Why had I never seen these scriptures before!? I was overcome by a sense of God's grace towards me. I repented and called out to Him in faith!

Jesus was immediately compelling, His words therefore of inestimable value and relevance. Front-to-back, the Bible would forever be my guide, my comfort, my conscience, my desire. "Open my eyes that I may behold wonderful things from your Law." Better yet, I was becoming a part of the Body of Christ. Encouragement, admonition and a wealth of resources that spurred my joy and progress in the faith.

So God has brought me along in His perfect timing and kind intention. He is at work to make me more and more like Christ. He has forgiven me so much and granted me such a rich inheritance. I know He is able to keep me in His hand and present me to the Father blameless and with great joy. I love His Church – no, it is not perfect (see: me) - but she is precious to Christ, His handiwork.

Feel Your Pain
My own experience leaves me with some empathy for those who have walked away from Church in disgust. I understand the subsequent need to explain away local Church. The desire to shake off all the trimmings of Church is strong for such folks, and they strive to visibly distance themselves from it. As the snowball accelerates downhill many other implications are inevitable, until ultimately one is left with an entirely different way of looking at such things - and a smattering of select scriptures as props.

The good news is that God is sovereign. While I see many Churches spinning away from the Biblical model – away from a good understanding of scripture itself – I also see that God is still at work in His Church. There are good Churches here in St. Louis – and most other towns. 40 minutes back and forth several times a week is a small price to pay for the spiritual nourishment of my family.

Understand also that there has been a cost during this upheaval. There has been much friction – even breakdowns – in the relationships I used to have. Friends and family. Sometimes it has been my own fault as I have spoken truly, but carelessly. Where I have seen this, I have repented to that person and God. Some might feel I still owe them an apology, and I encourage them to get in touch with me if that is the case. However, it may also be that I have said hard things that I do not regret and that should not be repented of. I have sought to understand others and help them understand in return, but in many cases there now exists a chasm between us.

Don't Give Up On Her
May those struggling with Church and Christians (yeah, we can be an ugly bunch sometimes) remember that we are called to be like Christ, and that this is a journey of devoted obedience on which some are farther along than others. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. His Word is true, and must be studied and obeyed. His Church is out there – physically manifested in local gatherings, reflecting what you see in scripture. If you are the sort that thinks you’ve got it together and the Church doesn’t, then recognize that you are part of the problem with Church and repent of your pride. I can say this with boldness because I was such a person.

Comments

Beyond Zaphon said…
Alan,

It is truly difficult to say anything right now after reading that beautiful post. I sensed a "pouring out" of part of your testimony in that post and it was wonderful and difficult to read at the same time...I don't know how else to describe it.

I can truly...I mean truly relate to much of what you "penned". We serve a good God whose purposes are in many ways past finding out. All I know is through it all He has led us to where we are now....A very flesh-withering and pride-withering understanding of what God's love toward His Bride really means.

May God cause us to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ in what ever way He sees fit.

Dave
Jason Alligood said…
Thanks bro for your powerful testimony here. You are s dear friend and I love both you and your family!
Anonymous said…
Alan,

Sorry it took me so long to read this and respond. That said, your other friends have really summed this up. It was a beautiful post, and I appreciate you taking the time to share your personal church history. I'm thankful for where God has lead you, and where he has you now.

Best,
Ted

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