40 Years Old

Today I celebrate the completion of my fortieth year outside the womb. With tongues firmly planted in their cheeks, everyone wants to know how it feels to suddenly become old. I’ve been thinking about that this morning, and a few things come to mind.

I am 40 years old. It doesn’t seem so long ago that I was a teenager, but now I am 40. In a world of averages, it might be said that I’ve reached the half way point. 40 years is a long time for me – it is the span of my days on this earth so far. I’ve split that time between two different continents, have seen many things – good and bad, have formed my own family, and have experienced the grace of God beyond measure. However, when I consider God; ageless, timeless, pre-existant, infinite and immortal, I quickly see that I am a vapor, a mere breath upon the wind. Like a flower of the field – here today, but gone without a trace tomorrow. In the scope of human history, I am unknown, and my faint trace on this world will be quickly forgotten. In God alone, the Creator of all that exists, do I find eternity. I am swallowed up in His glory, with the chief aim being not my own legacy, but His. In this there is fulfillment, in knowing Him can I boast. I am a friend of God Most High, my name is written in His Book of Life. He remembers me – He even hears my voice when I pray to Him. All of this privilege and honor is mine only because of the eternal plan of God, and the merits of Christ Jesus. I earned nothing but a quick and painful exit from His world, yet He has shown great patience and mercy toward me, pardoning me for all my offenses – yes, even taking upon Himself the penalty for them all. Furthermore, He has exalted me, granting me a place in His royal family, as a son, fully reconciled to God. So the next 40 years will speed by and will barely register a tick against the clock of created time, yet I will then enter into an existence that far exceeds this one, where time without end will be spent in the presence of the One whose days cannot be measured, and Who’s astonishing power sustains all things – even time itself.

It could also be said that I’ve reached the halfway point of my adult usefulness, if that normally runs from 20 to 60 years of age. Yet, I do not look back and see 20 years of usefulness. I have lacked focus and godly ambition. My divided heart has entertained so many lesser notions, dreams, and pleasures that it has had too little room left for its Lord. Thankfully, in the last few years there has been a growing sense of wonder and admiration for Christ, and an increasing hunger and thirst for Him. Like David in Psalm 63, I begin to own Him as my God – God not merely of the universe but of Alan Richardson. More and more He owns my allegiance, my love, my strength. I pray daily for an ever- deepening desire, a stronger fervor for Christ. Daily I lay before Him all that I have and say, “I would hold on to nothing that would keep me from You. Nothing is too precious. All in this life that is truly good was given by You, and You may take it away as needed… only let me be wholly Yours.” As the lands of my heart are gradually surrendered to His absolute and loving reign, I know that He shall make me fit for His purposes. If I am indeed half-way done, then I pray that the second half is filled with such usefulness, that “zeal for His house would consume me,” uniting my heart, granting it single-mindedness, and accomplishing His will through me. I dearly want to invest wisely the Master’s talents so that at the end of life’s second half I would hear Him say to me, “Well done, good and faithful slave. You were trusted with little, now I will trust you with more. Enter into the joy of your Master.”

As I consider the 40 years God has given to me so far, my heart swells with joyful gratitude. I am nothing special, like a generic clay vessel, but He has filled me with the treasures of divine love, eternal life, and super-abounding grace. Time and again I’ve shown myself unworthy of His affection, and yet His love simply refuses to be removed from me. Truly He is more faithful than I am faithless. I cannot number the blessings I have received from His hand, and I know He is not done with me yet.

So, at the ripe old age of 40, I join with Mary and say, "My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior, because He has looked with favor on the humble condition of His slave. Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed, because the Mighty One has done great things for me, and His name is holy. " (Luke 1:46-49)